By Trent Rentsch
And now, a holiday interlude…
(sung to the tune of Jingle Bells)
Plowing through Discreps,
A five-page “not here” day,
Over to Sales I go,
Growling all the way,
Phones just ring and ring,
Not a Rep in sight,
If they don’t get their copy in,
We’ll miss more spots tonight,
OH!
Jingle Hell, Jingle Hell,
Missing spots all day,
What pain it is to find,
A Rep who goes away… Hey!
Jingle Hell, Jingle Hell,
Selling, so they say,
But I bet they just went home,
While I’ll be here till May!
… And then there’s this holiday favorite…
(sung to the tune of Oh Christmas Tree)
Oh woe is me, oh woe is me,
I need another Santa.
Oh woe is me, oh woe is me,
My voice guy’s in Atlanta…
He really blew the client’s name,
And guess who’s left to take the blame?
Oh woe is me, oh woe is me,
I need some more Mylanta!
…But wait, there’s more…
(sung to the tune of Away in the Manger)
Away in the Ether,
My spot disappeared,
It’s not in my back-up,
It’s just as I feared,
The power flicked off,
It ‘twas less than a blink,
2 hours of edits,
Are history… must… drink…
Here’s a familiar chestnut…
(sung to the tune of Little Drummer Boy)
(Hum! Hum! Hum! Hum! Hum!)
When I turn on my mic,
Hum, hum, hum, hum!
(Hum! Hum! Hum! Hum!)
When I turn off my mic,
Hum, hum, hum, hum, hum!
(Hum, hum, hum… Hum!)
When I play back my spots,
Hum, hum, hum, hum!
(Hum, hum, hum…
Hum!)
I call the engineers,
Hum, hum, hum, hum, hum,
Where’s the damn hum,
Coming from… hmm?!
(Hum, hum, hum…
Hum!)
Then he shrugged at me,
Hum, hum, hum, hum, hum.
Live with the hum…
It’s that time of year, isn’t it?
(sung to the tune of Deck the Halls)
Check the walls for indentations,
Fa, la, la, la, la… la, la,la,la,
Voodoo dolls and incantations,
Fa, la, la, la, la… la, la,la,la,
Days are long, it ‘tis the season,
Fa, la, la… Fa, la, la… La, la, la,
Scripts are changed for no good reason,
Fa, la, la, la, la… la, la, la, AHHHHHHH!
Still, we can’t forget that this is a season of giving…
(sung to the tune of the 12 Days of Christmas)
On the day before Christmas,
My station gave to me,
12 spot revisions,
11 missing orders,
10 senseless re-cuts,
9 spots to email,
8 multi-voicers,
7 need approval,
6 Reps are AWOL…
5 HOURS OF DUBS!
4 Reps won’t call back,
3 staff left,
2 won’t even help…
And a big empty pot of coffee!
Wait! If you work until Midnight tonight, you’ll also get…
(sung to the tune of Silent Night)
Quiet Night… Lonely Night,
It’s just me… here tonight,
Automation… computers… and me,
Even Part time, went home for Turkey,
Deep, in Prod orders, Deeeeeeeeep!
Sleep in the conference room… sleep…
So remember this holiday season, no matter how frustrated, stressed out or overworked you get, you are not alone. We’re all humming the same tunes, and waiting for the greatest gift of all… a few weeks without political ads, TV sweeps, or holiday advertising…
Merry! Merry!
♦