by Flip Michaels


"When I write copy, the world should stop moving. People should stop knocking, ringing, and asking. No what-ifs, I-needs, or ASAPs. Take the chair, make the revision, and let me create!"

I wrote that in May of '93. Today, I'm still hearing about it. It's incredible. Are there really that many production pros in pain? When I wrote that, I was...overwhelmed that is. My daily growth depended upon my wallpaper. As it turns out, I now have a new home, a new office and new wallpaper: Strive For Perfection -- OR ELSE!

If 99.9 percent is good enough, then...

* Two million documents will be lost by the IRS this year.
* 811,000 faulty rolls of 35mm film will be loaded this year.
* 22,000 checks will be deducted from the wrong bank accounts in the next 60 minutes.
* 1,314 phone calls will be misplaced by telecommunication services every minute.
* 12 babies will be given wrong parents each day.
* 268,500 defective tires will be shipped this year.
* 14,208 defective personal computers will be shipped this year.
* 103,260 income tax returns will be processed incorrectly this year.
* 2,488,200 books will be shipped in the next 12 months with the wrong cover.
* 5,517,200 cases of soft drinks produced in the next 12 months will be flatter than a bad tire.
* Two plane landings daily at O'Hare International Airport in Chicago will be unsafe.
* 3,056 copies of tomorrow's Wall Street Journal will be missing one of three sections.
* 18,322 pieces of mail will be mishandled in the next hour.
* 291 pacemaker operations will be performed incorrectly this year.
* 880,000 credit cards in circulation will turn out to have incorrect cardholder information on their magnetic strips.
* $9,690 will be spent today, tomorrow, next Thursday, and every day in the future on defective, often unsafe sporting equipment.
* 55 malfunctioning automatic teller machines will be installed in the next 12 months.
* 30,000 incorrect drug prescriptions will be written in the next 12 months.
* 114,500 mismatched pairs of shoes will be shipped this year.
* $761,900 will be spent in the next 12 months on tapes and compact discs that won't play.
* 107 incorrect medical procedures will be performed by the end of today.
* 315 entries in Webster's Third New International Dictionary of the English Language will turn out to be misspelled.

(InSight, Syncrude Canada Ltd., Communications Division)


Add Michael Bolton to the list of infringers. At the time of RAP's print, Bolton was found guilty of copyright infringement (regarding who wrote what) on his latest release. As always, never-ever-never use someone else's material without written permission. You could end up behind "Steel Bars." (Sorry Bolton fans, I couldn't resist.)